Dude that ain't cool. Just really creepy. But it's not like anyone out here is buying any of what your selling. Not Emma Watson...Much less MIA, Lil Debbie or Fergie, well especially Fergie. And Debbie and MIA look like the type who would gut you for even looking their way.
maybe you have worked it up in your head so much that you have had all these glorious escapades that perhaps you believe it has happened. But you also believe that you had scholarship offers from Duke and Loyola. You believe you tapped with Jay Z. You believe you were actually '2nd' in the Coachella coaching search, though I can see the method of your madness, hey coach in the winter, play the festival in the spring. So I give you some points there for creativity.
What you need to do is to your head out of the clouds, or your own ass (whichever is more appropriate) and find some nice hick chick down there, don't even worry if she's cute. Just find someone with a kind soul and a modicum of sense, act respectful, act with the sense I good and damn well know your parents have instilled into you. Lay off the braggadocios banter, say "yes darling" a lot, introduce her to the folks, get your ass hitched, listen to those in life who actually have your best interest at heart and learn to live the good life that your social status and the grace of God has laid out in front of you.